The Voice, Country Music and Blended Families.......

Mela and I enjoy watching the Voice.  The banter of the coaches, the talent, competition and pleasant distraction from the day.  So many of the singers speak of a song that spoke to them about a time in their life.  That is not me. Ok, sure there is ‘Even the losers get lucky sometimes’ by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakrs but I digress.

Nicole, Kyle and John

While driving a this past week a song got my attention.  Something like - “I didn’t see his first steps but have not missed a ball game yet.”  It is called My Boy by Elvie Shane.  Yeah, it spoke to me from years gone by. 

First marriage came with two great bright handsome boys - John and Kyle. They are now two great bright handsome men with careers and family.  Never anything less than family. Always tried to do my best with them and my daughter, Nicole. Maybe not a high bar by some standards but my best. Back to school nights, field trips, scouts, track and cross country meets and waitig at midnight at Tower Books for a reserved copy of Harry Potter among others that I would not trade the world for.

John and Kyle are both Cal Poly SLO grads. Engineers both. Very smart. That clearly delineates they are not blood.  John has a lovely bride Sarah and two great boys - Gordon and Russell.  He is a Major in the US Army. Very proud of his service to our country. Kyle lives and works as an industrial engineer in Flagstaff, AZ with his lovely bride, Val. They are expecting their first child a daughter in April.

I remember that Kyle texted me a couple months back if I had time for a call. Trepidation but of course. It had not been a great day and those are not usually good texts.  Anyway he called me with the fantastic news about their growing family. Made my day. My whole year. 

Frankly one of my biggest concerns with the divorce was losing the relationship with the boys. Not as many visits or communication as I may like but shame on me. Still have had some holidays together, weddings of both boys, Kyle’s college graduation, John’s promotion to Major among other life events. Very blessed.

Be Kind, Be Humble. Be Strong. God Bless!

As the sun begins to set on 2020……….

It has cast a long shadow across so many lives. I will leave it at that. Everyone has their story(ies) from the last 3,287 days that have comprised 2020.

I like most I think was looking forward to 2020. I had grand visions. Having lost my eye to cancer two years ago I was thinking the worst would be my bad eye jokes. But it appears 2020 had its mind on being a year of hindsight (Sorry).  I can’t help but believe that talking heads among others will pontificate over this past year for years if not decades to come.

I am happy to turn the page on 2020 but the Welcome Mat on 2021 is not all rainbows and bunny rabbits.  Aside from all our common concerns I have the distinct pleasure of a colonoscopy and one of my two annual MRI’s in January. As part of my preparation for my procedure I also get to take an COVID test. Yeah! I hope for a clean bill of health.

Things to look forward to.  Our two daughters are getting married next year.  Gina & Stephen  in Septmeber and Nicole & Dwight in November. Both girls have great guys but we would expect nothing less from them.  Nicole and Dwight were scheduled to get married on 10/10/20 but like many things for many people was delayed.  Apparently it was the most popular wedding date for 2020.  Mela and I feel twice blessed (but do need to help a lot more people buy and sell homes).

We will also begin the much needed remodel of our kitchen in early January. (Maybe my timing isn’t so bad for the colonoscopy). We have the plans and are excited for the finished project which should be in May.  We are open to meal invites. Just sayin’.

Almost forgot. Still hate cancer. Still miss my eye.

In  closing, may everyone have a very Happy, Safe and Prosperous New Year!

Be Kind. Be Humble. Be Strong. God Bless!

Do Over.............

Anybody else want a Do Over?  Remember playing four square or tether ballas a kid?  Perhaps a bad serve.  You would shout Do Over. And just like that we got a second chance. I want a Do Over on 2020.

OK. Maybe not on the whole year.  I did finally get my MRI results and apparently good for another 100,000 miles. But even this did no go smoothly. Over the last two years I have had one CT Scan and four MRI’s. So I am told.  Certainly not me that’s counting. 

Anyway process and protocol is that I get a letter from my oncologist providing good news after about 3 - 4 days.  I always count the absence of the phone call as good news. Come day 10 I called. I explained my situation to the person on the other end.  She curtly stated that my results would be discussed at my next doctors appointment.

Wrong answer. I then rather tersely stated that if my cancer comes back statistically I will be dead in 12 months and do not want to wait 6 of those months waiting for the results. And that process and protocol for my last 3 MRI’s is a letter from my oncologist. She essentially said let me take a message.

Frankly, my faith in her was non-existent.  I called back - pressed a different button and left a message. Several hours later I called again. Got a human voice! The imaging center had not yet forwarded the results.  More waiting. About a week later good news. Finally!

Not just my MRI results but life has been up in the air this year.  My daughter, Nicole and her fiance, Dwight were scheduled to get married on 10/10/20.  They were excited about their big day and special date. After much discussion and thought they decided to postpone. They have picked a date in June of 2021.  Given my cancer I was admittedly anxious about simply being there. I will and am blessed.

So many lives have been disrupted in countless ways over the past few months. I suppose in some ways I got my Do Over.  I hope you all get yours.

Stay Strong, Be Kind, Be Humble and God Bless!

Mornings with Lila........

More often than not, it is the alarm that awakens me from my slumber.  My feet hit the ground grateful for another day.  I grab my robe as the mornings have that cool crisp air.  Lila lays sleeping on her bed by the french doors that lead to our deck.  I slowly make my way downstairs.

Lila, My ever faithful companion

I peer around the corner - Mela is on the couch - eyes closed doing her meditation. If I am a bit late she has started her yoga or the peloton. In the kitchen, I pour myself a cup of coffee and head back upstairs. I sit upright on the bed coffee in hand and Lila finds her rightful place by my side - head in lap. I come as close as I probably will to meditating scratching behind Lila’s ear, savoring my morning coffee and doing my best to count my blessings.

The coffee is gone and Lila is getting a tad restless. I get up once again and head to the closet to change for our walk.  In short order Lila is laying on the cool bathroom tile at the entrance of the closet. But not before her yawn and perfect downward dog.

As I lace up my shoes, she knows it is almost time.  Her excitement for our ‘journey’ is palpable.  We head for the stairs.  She flys down like the house is on fire.  In the garage, I somehow manage to get her harness and leash on.  We are on our way.

It is the same walk every day and I quickly settle in to my familiar routine.  Lila does as well yet every mailbox, garbage can and succulent appears to be deserving of greater inspection on her part. Our neigborhood is hilly enough that I feel comfortable calling it exercise.  We round the corner and Folsom Lake comes into view with the Sierras off in the distance. I never tire of the view.

We head toward the court where we pause and look west out toward downtown Sacramento.  I do not miss the commute nor todays politial climate. We then conclude the last three blocks or so of our journey.  Before going in we finish with a brief game of driveway tag. I suppose you have to see it to understand.

I grab my second cup of coffee and prepare to read a few pages of my book.  Lila lays at my feet. We both relax for a few minutes more.  The second cup of coffee is gone. It is time for the day to commence.  We both look forward to tommorw morning…………..

Of baseball, marathons and the loss of a parent…………

2010 seems so long ago. But memories linger.  About this time 10 years ago I ran the Urban Cow Half-Marathon with a groin hernia.  Not highly recommended. I was scheduled to run the Shamrock that Spring but got the stomach flu that Thursday. And plans were changed. I had really trained. Felt sorry for myself for a few days and realized some friends were training for the Urban Cow. I was all in.

I had spent the Summer increasing the number of miles I ran and that September my doctor advised me that I had a groin hernia and might consider surgery. It would have to wait. A race to run. I successfully completed the run in just over 2 hours with minimal discomfort.  That being said with just over one mile to go the hernia pinched badly.  Quickly looking around and not seeing anyone I let out the most primal noise.  A cute young gal that I had missed said we only have a mile left. I kindly nodded and made my way to the finish line.

About a week later the surgery to repair the hernia was a success.  My recovery consisted of laying on the couch - with my cow bell from the race - watching my beloved San Francisco Giants win the World Series. The first of three this past decade. Before I go on - is anyone else wondering if the Dodgers are doing good during this mini season because they are used to playing in a empty stadium. Just wondering.

This part is hard. For the last six years my Dad had been suffering from Parkinsons related dementia.  To  put it simply he had about two years of silly forgetfullness, two more years at home that were more difficult on his mental and physical health - as well as that of my Mom. His last two years were in a memory care unit of an assisted living facility. There were most assuredly you could laugh or cry most those stories are best told over drinks.  I would not wish his condition on anyone but yet learned so much from him.

Toward the end, it was difficult to visit him which made me angry - at myself .  His memory and recognition of others were largely faded if not gone. But even then how his grace remained. I had the distinct pleasure of working with him as a legislative advocate for about 12 years.  We had a British client.  We could be leaving the Embassy after an evening conversing with Members of Parliament, executives and the diplomat among other dignitaries. On the way out we would perhaps come  across the wait staff, evening custodian or the valet and my Dad would not miss a beat in treating them with the same due respect as those previously mentioned. One of his many gifts in which I fall short.

He loved his chocolate and nuts. I would always bring him a couple of Hershey bars or small can of nuts. The point of the prior paragraph is even at his worse when a staff member came in - he would gracioulsy offer to share his chocolate or nuts.  Grace to the end. Lessons always bestowed.

He passed on November 11, 2010. Durng his final two or three weeks - he largely slept.  My daughter and I had visited a couple of weeks prior to his passing to say our good byes. Shortly after our visit the Giants had won. theS  Something compelled me to go back one last time. I told him the Giants won the Series, I loved him and that he could go if he was ready.

Shortly after he passed,  I found myself almost joyous in grieving the remarkable man, father and friend that he was and not what that viscious disease had tried but failed to take from him.  A glass of vodka  - only ice not senselsess garnishes - will raised be in your honor this November 11, 2020. I miss you today and every day.

Be Humble. Be Kind.Stay Strong. God Bless!

.

My Editor, Lila Takes Over

BEST DAYEVER!!!

OMG!!! Best New Years Ever. OK, I am only two but still.  We went to this place named Carmel-by-the- Sea. There is this spot where water comes crashing into the land.  Dad says it is called a beach. But before I get started Dad wanted the three of you to know that his blood work, chest X-ray and MRI from Decmeber came back clean. The cancer has not spread and he will be around for awhile.

You can play in this water but do not drink it! So gross

I am glad. Cancer took my big brother, Sam.  I hate cancer.  My Mom had colorectal cancer but is doing great. Dad had choroidal mel.anoma which cost him his left eye. He says between the two of them they can’t see shi*t. He thinks he is funny.

Anyway Carmel.  There must have been thousands of dogs at the beach. All sizes, shapes and colors. I had never seen anything like it.  I ran and played ‘furever’. So much fun. Of course, I got thirsty so I went to the water to drink. It was disgusting.  Dad said there is salt in the water. Who would do that??!! He said something about the ecosystem. Whatever. So gross!

We also said goodbye to Sam at the beach. Mom was not paying attention and a wave came in.  Dad and I ran but Mom’s shoes got soaked. We held our breath and waited. Wow. No HFF.  You have to ask my two legged sister, Nicole about that.

Just chillin’

Did I say the food is amazing?  We all had lunch at the Cypress Inn. I guess they are ‘dog friendly’. I don’t get it. Isn’t every place dog friendly? Mom said it was the best Club sandwich she ever had. I would have to agree.  It was delicious. Sure it was my first and only so far. But so good. I have to assume Dad’s hamburger was good. He did not share.  

In all fairness, he did share his breakfast burrito and some proscuitto from his pizza on New Year’s Eve. We ate in on New Year’s Eve.  Mom and Dad odered some calamari, pizza and cheesecake from Lil Napoli and we went back to the hotel for dinner.  It was the best. I hope this becomes a New Year’s tradition! 

Me and my Mom

In the meantime, may everyone have a safe, happy and prosperous New Year!

Be Strong. Be Kind (especially to dogs). Be Humble. God Bless.

Long Island Mis-Adventures

At 3AM, the alarm sounded.  What a ungodly hour.  A little before 5AM Mela and I were on our way to get her 91 year-old dad, Americo, so we could catch our 7AM flight to New York Thursday morning to see our nephew and Americo’s grandson, Chris, get married to a beautiful young gal named Kayla that coming Saturday

Manuevering through the Sacramento, Chicago and La Guardia Airports as well the two flights were relatively uneventful but there was bit of a luggage hiccup at the tale end but that is a story best told over drinks.

Harmony Vineyards

Having arrived at our hotel in Central Islip on Long Island we soon realized it was between nothing and no where.  Mind you it was perfectly acceptable accommodations and was the hotel for family and guests for the wedding and a shuttle had been arranged for the day of the wedding.

Americo, Dympna, Rick and Mela

However, we had flown in a day early (just in case) and needed to amuse ourselves on Friday other than watching the grass grow in Cetral Islip. As it turns out Rick (as in Wednesday with Rick for those that have been following along) and his significant other, Dympna, had toured New York City with a driver, Ivan, the previous day.

We’re in luck. Ivan is available from Noon until 6. The five of us piled into the air conditioned GMC Yukon and we were off. Apparently there are wineries on Long Island so we kind of had a plan. We set off for Harmony Vineyards and enjoyed the view from the air conditioned comfort of our Yukon. The A/C was much needed given the humidity. Sadly, Harmony was closed. They opened at 5PM. What winery does that? 

Rick with the box of deliciousness

Fortunately, Rick who was in the front seat had seen a sign for pizza, pasta and pastries. Apparently, the three key words for Italians. After all, I was with the Fratarcangeli’s. We had satiated our appetite at Rocco’s pizza. I had a slice of the chicken parmesan and margarita pizza. Delicious. But the pastry place next door was not up to snuff. But we were not deterred. Thank goodness for google. We were soon at Premier Pastry at an upscale outdoor mall. I can’t say for certain but I think they closed shortly after Rick made his purchase having exceeded their sales quota for the day. Now we need wine.

Paumanok Winery had a beautiful setting with an outdoor patio and vineryards that seemingly went on for ever.  Rick purchased a bottle of Cab Franc and we proceeded to the patio to enjoy to enjoy our purchase.  While perfectly acceptable we did all declare that we are spoiled Californians when it comes to wine.

Having consumed the wine we escaped the hot humid air in the confines of our air conditioned Yukon where Ivan awaited our arrival.  Pizza and wine.  It was now clearly time for pastries while we made our way to the next winery. More specifically, canoli. eclairs and I believe sfogliatella. Bottom line. Delicious.

In short order we were at Laurel Lake Vineyards. We settled on a chilled Sauvignon Blanc given the increasing temperautre and humidity of the day.  We drank, relaxed and laughed.  It was now time to meander back.  We had 6:15 dinner reservations at a seafood restaurant on the water, and were meeting some extended family of the Fratarcangeli’s that lived on Long Island.

Sunset view from our table at Nicky’s

We arrived at Nicky’s (what a great name-just sayin’) at the appointed time and it was time to say good bye to Ivan. The company, drinks, food and setting could not have been better.  Frankly, the waiter left a little bit to be desired. But, as I sipped my 14 year old single malt while the sunset I reflected on the day.  Our mis-adventures on Long Island could not have provided for a better day.

Just to clarify. Still hate cancer. Still miss my eye.

Stay strong. Be kind. Be humble & God Bless!

I heed your call.........

Honest, I hear you. I heed your call. The three of you are important to me. I get it. Game of Thrones is over.  Golden State is back in the finals. Blah, blah, blah. Only two more PGA majors, and it does not appear that it is the SF Giants year. Give me something.

Grand Canyon

Not much but here it goes.  Still hate cancer. Still miss my eye.  My MRI, chest X-ray and blood work this past April all came back clean.  I am around for awhile longer anyway. Do it all over again in October.

Grand Canyon

May 24, 2018 I had surgery to remove my left eye and the cancerous tumor that was attached to the optic nerve.  What a difference a year makes! This past Memorial Day weekend Mela and I were in Flaggstaff to see my son, Kyle Holcmob get married.  Having arrived a couple of days  early, Mela and I went to the Grand Canyon on the morning of May 24 and I capped the evening off with an ice cold craft beer at a bar in the Waterford Hotel with my two boys and the rest of the bachelor party. A great day.

Cool Diner sign in Flagstaff

Saturday, May 25 was a beautiful day in countless ways.  Thursday it had actually snowed and was chilly to say the least.  Friday a little nicer and Saturday was picture perfect for the wedding. The wedding was outside at a park on the way to the Grand Canyon with a snow capped mountain as a backdrop. Over the last 12 years I had seen my three kids individually and in pairs but not all three together since the wedding of the oldest, John. Now - two more spouses and three grandchildren. Such a joy filled day.  I am very blessed.

The Wedding. The Kids. The Grandkids. The Best.

On the real estate front I got my first listing. A $1.2 million dollar home. Had it under contract in about 10 days. A truly delightful couple.  I hope the final pieces of the deal go smoothly for the sellers and yours truly.  Not a bad way to start.  I have also written an offer on a home for a nice family with the help of my in-house expert. I even have a modest lead on a seller for a $1.5 million home from a cold call.  A ways to go for that one but I got to put it out there.

Things are going good.  But in regard to being mono ocular I need to be very deliberate in anything of modest skill.  You know how they serve a glass of wine in those mini carafes that you have to pour yourself.  Well I have no depth of field or spatial relationship with glass. So yes, I have on more than one occasion proceeded to pour the wine all over the bar counter. Mela won’t let me lick it up. I now make a point of making sure the rim of the carafe is touching the rim of the glass.  For my photogaphy I have to really be deliberate in making sure my horizon is level. No small task anymore. 

I will be seeing Eric Lindsey to get my eye cleaned and polished in early June and am looking forward to making 2019 a great year!

Stay strong, be kind, be humble and God bless!

Final Chapter............

I remain about a month away from the one year anniversary of my diagnosis.  But I decided against giving it too much creedence and am concluding early.  I wish I had something profound to say or some great lesson that I could articulate to the two of you.  But I don’t which is okay with me.

What a journey it has been and will continue to be I suppose.  April 5 of last year I went in for a routine opthamologist appointment and saw an ocular oncologist the next day.  I learned the next day that I had choroidal melanoma and would lose my left eye.  It turns out that perpetuity is a long time.  Additionally,  this cancer likes to come back to the liver and the lungs. 

Lila, Ever Faithful Editor-in-Chief, might need a new gig

I think that is one of the things that bugs me the most. You lose your eye - OK.  You have cancer - OK. But the fact that this evil wants another bite of the apple really irks me. Oh well.

The fact is this is 2019 and this April 5 and 6 we will be celebrating Mela’s birthday.  I had the surgery to remove my eye on May 24 of last year.  But this is 2019 and I will be at my son’s, Kyle Holcomb’s, wedding in Flagstaff, Arizona on May 25.

My dear sweet Sam will be 9 this March 8 and look forward to fixing him and Lila there  cheeseburgers.  They have been my loyal poodle possee throughout this past year.  We go most everywhere together. Dear friends throug it all.

Not sure what the rest of the year brings but it is all good.  I do feel at times that the roller coaster has been going up for awhile.  Not really sure that I want it to drop all at once. Be nice to have it plateau and enjoy the view for a bit. We shall see.

I will be getting my MRI and chest X Ray sometime in the next 6 weeks.  Preferrably excellent results.  Greatly prefer 20 years over 20 months. I believe my faith has grown over the past year.  Nothing like losing an eye to see clearly.  At this point in time it is all good. I have been blessed.

But this past year has been a dark season in my life.  Even in the darkness there are moments of illumination.  Great medical care. Outreach of friends and family.  I actually think I coped well with the diagnosis and even the surgery.  I was so anxious to get the tumor out.  In July I received my prosthetic eye which made me whole visually - at least to others.

Perhaps somewhat ironically it was later in the year that I found it more difficult.  As a visual learner my confidence and identity were sorely tested.  I had left a career that I had known for years and barely starting a new venture in real estate, photography is something I had always treasured and not sure how that will play out, what about my golf game, still have not gotten on my bike - balance is an issue.  I am very much aware that so many people are in worse predicaments but have tried to share this as my story - And we all have our story.  It is as my story unfolds and I try mightily at learning new skills and truly realizing that life simply goes on that I both celebrate and ask questions.

It is as I ramble to a close that I am aware my voice is waning and it is time for this to be my last post.  I am greatly humbled and appreciative of those that have dared follow along.  For me it has been great therapy.  I hope those of you that have read my missives have learned something or hopefully had a laugh or two.  A sense of humor is critical.

I will leave with a couple of things.  At church today one of the principle questions was “What is the most loving thing to do?” as a way of guiding our actions and affections.

Be Strong, Be Kind, Be Humble. God Bless!

March Madness

Mela and I decided to do the Lifetime Fitness 60 day challenge. It was a good window for us.  It started just after my birthday and ends at her birthday.  My goal is more of a realistic and healthy lifestyle change compared to a one and done. We eat pretty good and exercise most every weekday.  In short I needed to push myself at the club and a little less Tuesday wine.  But word must be getting out about my restraint.  We have been members at the Renwood Winery for the last few years. Great wine and excellent venue. They just sold to Rombauer.  

My goal is to lose 7 pounds and reduce my body fat by 4 percent.  I have lost 4.5 pounds in the first three weeks but body fat is not shifting so much.  Apparently becoming a thin marshmallow. But I have faith. I am still planning on the marathon in December and a real estate role play partner has committed to running it with me.  I think I will do a fundraiser for the Ocular Melanoma Foundation.  So save your loose change.

On a different note, I am trying to schedule my next MRI.  What a pain. I get the whole insurance thing. But you would think that after someone has been diangosed and is being treated for an illness with a known protocol that every step of the way would not be so complicated. Oh well. I do remain grateful for the care I have received to date. But still……. The MRI should be sometime in April.   If my type of cancer comes back - it likes the liver and the lungs with no statistical survival rate.  It is very rare and does not get much in the way of research dollars hence my fundraiser.  Hopefully excellent results. 

Now that some time has passed I often get asked if my brain has adapted regarding depth of field etc. I always try to provide a fair and honest answer based on my experience but in short - No. Maybe I am just old or a slow learner. I have learned some modest tricks that make things easier but honestly do not feel my brain has adapted so to speak.  Little did I know in college going out on Friday and Saturday night that I was killing the “You are going to get cancer and lose your left eye so get ready to adapt” brain cells. Damn. I guess that is hindsight.

I am sure you have noticed and are grateful that the posts are fewer and farther between.  But next month is the one year anniversary of this journey so stay tuned.

Be strong, be kind, be humble and God Bless!